Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Scaredy Cat Cosmetics Review - Subtlety is Overrated

On one of my trawls through Etsy for new and exciting indie cosmetics brands to show you, I came across American outfit Scaredy Cat Cosmetics. Compared to local creators like Femme Fatale Cosmetics and Eccentric Cosmetics, the range of colours available wasn't hugely inspiring - but I am a sucker for cute packaging, and thought it might be time to invest in some colours that aren't quite as...well, bold as the ones I already have.

I picked up a dark grey called Lir, a lighter grey called Nereid, and a lovely golden brown called Y So Sirius. The shipping for these three was around $10, which is kind of high, but relatively good for shipping from the US, especially considering how quickly it arrived.

I really love the little triangular bottles these came in - unfortunately after checking the shop it seems they've
discontinued these since I got my order. The new jars still have the same gorgeous illustrations though.

Swatches are from top to bottom; Y SO Sirirus, Nereid, and Lir
While the colours themselves are lovely, the shadow itself is a lot less pigmented than I'm used to. I had to put quite a bit down to get nice clear swatches, and it was a little difficult to blend smoothly.

Y So Sirius


I put together a couple of looks using these, and unfortunately they seem to come out even less pigmented on the eye than when trying to swatch.

Geek Chic Cosmetics Guiding Star in the corners and crease, with Lir over the lid and Nereid on the inner corners.
On the whole, I was a bit disappointed with these. However, if you're looking for loose eyeshadows to start playing around with, these might be a little bit less intimidating than the more strongly pigmented ones. They do clean up very easily, and if you are a bit clumsy about putting them on it doesn't show up as much. The challenge with the loose eyeshadows I've been using is getting a small enough amount of it on that I don't look like a clown, but with these the challenge is getting enough on to make them really show up. While this is probably preferable for some people, I they're just a bit...well, subtle for me.

As you might have noticed from my taste in nail polish, I'm not big on subtlety in my cosmetics. If I'm going to spend time fussing around with them, I don't want people to peer at me curiously, wondering if I'm wearing makeup, except in very specific circumstances. In fact, I'm not really big on subtlety in general - if there's someone in the corner telling a wildly inappropriate story, it's going to be me. One of the first inappropriate stories I can remember telling in public was one concerning Horus, Set, and some lettuce, to my high school Ancient History class.

My school had recently introduced a "vertical integration" system, where we did modules of classes based on skill and knowledge level instead of year, kind of similar to a university system. The idea was that you could do Ancient History 101, then 102, then 103 at your own pace, regardless of what year you were in. This was theoretically supposed to advantage the brighter students, like myself, because we could skip ahead in classes we were good at, but still do less difficult classes in things we sucked at. It was a great idea, but I unfortunately ran through all the Ancient History classes at my level much faster than anyone anticipated, and I ended up having to circle back to Ancient History 101 for lack of any other option. After I got 100% on the very first test, the teacher very kindly took me aside and proposed I use the rest of the classes to do a couple of projects of my own choosing, so I wouldn't go out of my mind with boredom. Now, most teenagers would have used this as an excuse to completely fuck around. I was such a booky wooky nerd however, that I threw myself into these projects wholeheartedly and ended up spending not only the allotted class time, but a LOT of extra time in the library researching my projects. The first project I did was on Celtic artwork, and that presentation went without incident. But for the second project, I decided to use  my time to sit down and do a thorough investigation of Ancient Egyptian mythology, and quickly came across a great deal of material that probably wasn't entirely suitable for my young and impressionable eyes. I don't know if any of you have read much Egyptian mythology, but by GOD they just love penises. Penises are fucking EVERYWHERE. And incest! Lordy, SO much incest! I wasn't freaked out, or disgusted though, I just found the whole obsession really interesting - so I decided for my second presentation to recount the story of how Horus and his uncle Set battled to be the ultimate deity of all Egypt, and how Horus eventually won using a rather ingenious trick.

If you know this story, you're probably already face palming at the fact I thought it was a good idea  to recount it for my classmates. But if you don't, here's a much abridged version for your entertainment. You see, Horus and Set were the the patron deities of Lower and Upper Egypt respectively. They are portrayed s being totally opposite in terms of personality - Horus represented peace, stability, and honour, and Set represented chaos, total freedom, and jealousy. They were always fighting, constantly competitive, and these stories are recounted in lots of different sources, suggesting they were a hugely popular myth of the time. If you've ever spent any time with Goths, you've probably seen this little symbol around;

It's called a wedjat, and symbolises the new eye that Horus got made for him after Set poked one out during a fight. It's okay though, Horus took one of Set's testicles in return. ANYWAY, back to the particular story about the lettuce.

See, apparently, everyone else got sick and tired of Set and Horus fighting all the time, and told them to just fucking quit it for one fucking day, and give them all a break. Set invited Horus over to his house, and they ended up banging. Horus put his hands between his legs to catch Set's semen to stash it for later, and Set went on his merry way, very pleased with himself, because in the eyes of Egyptian society at the time being the pitcher in a gay sex situation made you pretty fucking manly indeed, and Set planned to use this against Horus. In some versions of the story, Horus went to his mother Isis the next day with a handful of what would have been very cold, very gross semen and said, 'Dude! Look what Set did!". At this point Isis apparently freaked out, took the semen, and made Horus jerk off into a pot. She then took Set's semen and threw it in the river, which seems like the only sensible thing anyone has done this whole time. Isis then went back to town with a pot full of Horus spunk, and spread it on all the lettuces she could find, because lettuces were Set's favourite food. In other versions of the story, this whole scheme was Horus's idea. Regardless, in the end there is a blob of Set's semen floating around in the river, and a bunch of Horus's semen all over Set's favourite food, so you KNOW some of that is going to end up in Set's belly.

The next day Set decides to make his move, and goes to the ruling council of gods declaring that Horus is unfit to be ruler because he totally takes it in the butt. Horus, of course, says this is a load of hogwash, and that Set is in fact the one who takes it in the butt. The ruling council decides the only way to settle this he said/he said situation is to get both the deities to call back their semen from the last place they left it. Set gladly obliges, and up comes his semen from the river, totally undermining his claim that he'd left it in Horus. Horus, on the other hand, calls his back and out it comes from Set, who has apparently had semeny lettuce the night before. Everyone agrees that obviously Horus is the pitcher in this relationship, and therefore gets to be deity of both upper and lower Egypt.

Personally, I found this story fascinating, and not in a "eee hee hee they're having gay sex" sort of way. I'm always intrigued when otherwise "honourable" gods resort to trickery, and I was fascinated by how completely disinterested the Egyptians seemed to be in the fact they were having gay sex - all they wanted to know was who was receiving. My classmates, however, did not find these aspects interesting. I instead inadvertently set off a year long running joke in which they would all try and find as many references to phalluses in the material they were given as possible - they hadn't realised this word meant penis until I bluntly explained it, and it turned out that was pretty much all the knowledge any of them took away from the whole class.

So you can see, I've never been one for subtlety. You know what I find most amusing about that whole incident though? Not only did I not get thrown out of class, I got a fucking A. It's really no wonder I turned out the way I did!

1 comment:

  1. Bold all the way! I don't wear makeup often so when I do subtlety is the last thing I'm going for.

    I love your retelling of Horus and Set's battle for power, now I'm kinda sad that my interest in Ancient Egypt waned after primary school. High school would have been much more interesting armed with some of these stories!


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